August 13, 2016
Today I thought I would talk about my experience on antidepressants. During the week I went to the doctor to see about coming off my meds and he said he was happy for me to start coming off them. I have been on 5mg of Lexapro for about three months now after being on 10mg for over 18 months. My doctor, who has been my doctor the whole way through this journey, told me to start taking 5mg every two days for two weeks and then to completely stop taking them. This is so exciting for me. This is a step in the right direction for me and I know that, along with the help of my blog, that my mental health is greatly improving. I wanted to talk and share an informative post about side effects and all that comes with antidepressants but I feel like that may not help because it is, of course, different for everyone. I'm also too happy to share my thoughts in an informative matter. I'm sorry but you'll just have to bare with me as this is going to be a rambly post. For this post I really wanted to feel as though I was just sitting down and chatting with a pal so there is no structure and I apologise, but this is how I want to talk about this.

In February 2015, after SIX MONTHS of struggling with really severe panic attacks and anxiety I finally started my course of Lexapro. I started off on 2.5mg and slowly worked my way up to 10mg. I even went up to 15mg for a while but that really did not work for me and resulted in severe headaches, nosebleeds and TWO FULL DAYS of sleep. It's safe to say I came back to 10mg. Now, over a year later I am working my way down to nothing. The excitement is real. I can't wait to live a life that isn't controlled by my meds. I can't wait to go to college and not have to explain to my housemates why I'm popping pills or why I won't drink until a certain time of the day. 

I am BEYOND proud to have taken control of my mental illness.

Although medication doesn't help everyone, for me it changed my life. Being completely honest, I was a mess before I started taking Lexapro. I was having up to 5 panic attacks a day and I was SOOOO skinny. Like skinny to a point that it looked like you could snap me in two pieces. I had the darkest circles under my eyes and my skin was grey. I looked like a walking corpse. Once I started on Lexapro I gained weight, started sleeping a little better (I'm still a night owl) and wasn't as on edge as I had previously been. I did have to deal with awful, awful side effects including irritability, nausea, headaches, dry mouth and dizziness. Despite this, it was still better than the anxiety I was feeling prior to Lexapro. 

For many people going on medication is the last resort, some completely dismissing this as it makes people seem weak, and there is a stigma around the idea that taking medication for your mental illness means you should be locked up in a mental asylum. In reality the amount of people taking medication for their mental health would have you shocked (it's rather sad). Just like any other illness, some people need medication in order to get better. 

You would never judge someone for taking their diabetes medication so what's the difference with antidepressants?

If you need that little extra help I would say absolutely take it! It has done me the world of good and now a year on, my mental health is probably at the best it has been in YEARS. I went through a very hard time at the start of Uni due to my father leaving and without my medication I don't know if I would've got through that time without a complete breakdown. 

I know this post was rather silly, and very incoherent but I really wanted to share my news with you all! If you have any questions about going on medication you can email me at, or you can DM me on twitter @aillyx and I will try to explain things a little better. For now however all I have to say is: I'M SO FRICKIN HAPPY :)